Monday, March 19, 2012

Wonderfully Made

my boy loves his music!
I've been doing a lot of research lately on a possible diagnosis and treatments for my son Caleb. Without getting into specifics (because I don't have a lot of them yet) he most likely has something that is chronic and yet could improve over time, if treated aggressively enough. This will require even more time, money, and resources than I've already been putting in with all of his therapies and testing. I go through seasons in my life where I feel the weight of his needs more than others, and I suppose this is one of them. I read a couple of articles last week that I could really relate to, as both were written by parents of kids with special needs. I felt that their words actually expressed my feelings far better than I could.

7 Things You Don't Know About a Special Needs Parent

Five Things You Should Know About a Special Needs Family

I'm not even sure why I'm sharing these articles, except that this stuff is just on my mind and heart this week. My little boy turns 3 tomorrow, and I can't wait to celebrate him! Because as much as he wears me out...as much as my heart breaks for him sometimes...as much as I wish things were different for him...he is a PRECIOUS and PERFECT gift from God. His presence in our family continues to teach us and make us better people. His sisters are more compassionate, loving, and accepting of all kinds of children, thanks to their brother. They are his biggest cheerleaders (and sometimes biggest enablers!). And me...well, in the last three years, I've grown a whole lot more patience. I've grown in my ability to perservere. I'm more compassionate towards others. I'm much more aware of my own weakness and utter dependence on the Lord...which, in a strange way, has made me much stronger.

I've been working today on a birthday gift for Caleb. He won't really understand that it's his birthday, and honestly, he won't care whether he receives a gift or not. Which is okay, really, because it turns out...he's the one who gives us gifts every day. When he smiles through his discomfort...when he hugs me through his pain or fear...when his very presence in our family is making us more like Jesus. Oh, trust me...I've got a long ways to go. But occasionally I am reminded, in the midst of doing yet another mundane, repetitive task for my son, that in reality...I'm doing it for Jesus. And the more I serve Caleb in humility, the more I identify with Christ and become like him.

I have this verse posted above Caleb's changing table:


Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.  Col. 3:23-24



And I have this verse posted above my kitchen sink:

...but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord. - I Cor. 15:57-58


And this one, I have memorized on Caleb's behalf:


I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 
   your works are wonderful, 
   I know that full well. - Psalm 139:14


Happy birthday, my sweet Caleb! I am so glad God decided to place you in our family. I know I'm not perfect, but I continue to pray that I will be a good steward of the blessing that is you. 
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7 comments:

  1. LexieMarch 21, 2012 at 8:31 AM

    Courtney, you have me in tears. Well said my sweet friend. In the battle it's easy to lose sight of the King we are serving. But He just wants us to lift our head so that he can look us in the eye and give us that single word or nod that renews our strength (and purpose) again.

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    1. CourtneyMarch 21, 2012 at 3:14 PM

      Lexie, thank you for your comment...you are so right. It's so easy to get caught up in the mundane, difficult, distasteful stuff sometimes. And sometimes, the only thing that gives meaning to those tasks is remembering Who I am really doing it all for.

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  2. Kari S.March 21, 2012 at 10:42 AM

    Also in tears... I'm ahead of you and Lexie on this journey. My son is 12 and we lost him to autism at 14 months. He is making so much progress and is an amazing boy. Mainstreamed in school, just crossed the bridge from cub to boy scout, plays cello, piano, and ukelele, and this year he has made a connection and found a true friend at school. You know so much more than I did when my son was three. There is so much more information and knowledge available now. Keeping following your heart and pursuing His purpose. God bless you and Caleb and your daughters. Your husband too! Happy Birthday, Caleb :)
    Karibeth

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    1. CourtneyMarch 21, 2012 at 3:14 PM

      Karibeth - thank you for your comment! Yes, I am so thankful for all the recent research that's been done...there are definitely more treatment/diagnosis options that we know about now than even five years ago. It sounds like your son has accomplished SO much since he was 14 months old! And you too...good job momma!! I'm sure I could learn a lot from you! Thanks for your sweet note and encouragement. :-)

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  3. AnonymousMarch 26, 2012 at 3:56 PM

    Courtney, Your mom forwarded your blog to me when I asked about you and your family. It also brought tears to my eyes. When you were a young girl, I remember thinking what a wonderful wife and mother you would be someday. Without a doubt, as I hear about your joys as well as struggles with your 3 incredible children, that thought has become a reality. And to look into the face of Caleb, it is looking at the face of an angel. I know for certain that God chose you to be his mom because He knew your heart and how he was placing Caleb in the best of care. Don't ever feel you can't be genuine with your feelings. Everyone who knows you, knows how pure you are in heart and in your spirit.
    I'm praying for you and especially for Caleb. I wish I was able to be closer to all of you, but for now, I'm near to you in my heart. Love you.
    Donna

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    1. CourtneyMarch 29, 2012 at 7:32 PM

      Sweet Donna - Thank you for your love, your kind words, your prayers, your encouragement. You will always have a special place in my heart! Your encouragement just means so much. In fact I've read your note several times before replying. :-)

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    2. CourtneyMarch 29, 2012 at 7:33 PM

      Oops - Donna, I hit publish before I meant to! Just wanted to say again, thank you...thanks for caring and reading. Love you too!

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Thank you SO much for your comment! Have a fabulous day! :-)

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